My Favorite Time Consumer

So, I’m writing again. Maybe it constantly fills my thoughts, and it might possibly distract me from daily tasks like, you know, eating, but I think the end product is worth it!

Here’s an excerpt from my most recent revamping of a great, original story so you can see if you feel the same way! Enjoy!

~Ari

Dear Jason,

Where are you, baby? I really need you to be okay right now. I haven’t washed the syrup off yet. I probably never will.

Why were we so stupid to never specify that your dad’s last name is MacNair, and mine’s is Jacobs? I mean, I can’t blame the director.

Actually, I can.

She is licensed to take care of you all day long, but when a strange guy walks in and says he’s picking up a naïve, beautiful, trusting 3 year old and gives her his identification, she doesn’t even use the resources she has to check out his background!

Just based on the fact that he is the father of someone who is permitted to pick you up, she trusted you to an abusive, hate-filled disgrace of a man who actually has a restraining order filed. In her office.

Just to make sure this doesn’t happen, you know?

Jason, my little baby, I spent three years saving you from your father, but I never thought to prepare you for mine.

Don’t make him mad. He isn’t like Chris. He can’t be appeased, and I wouldn’t let you do that anyway. He just wants to hurt you because he knows that it’ll hurt me.

I really need to hear you lisp my name again, sweetie! Just this once, I wish karma would pay me back!

I’ve given up so much and done so many things for you, for my mom, even for Tony before I knew him.

It wouldn’t be fair for the universe to not even consider paying me back, just to see you, baby!

No, not just to see you. To see you safe. To see you safe, in your bed, surrounded by the people you love, regardless of their varying levels of affection for you.

There’s not a lot of love here without you. You were what holds us together!

Chris hates me and hates the fact that I’m keeping his secret, and that’s destroying his marriage. Tony is just a mess, and he needs constant attention, which means no one has time for them self, which means everyone’s a mess.

Without an adorable three year old to lift our spirits and lisp away our troubles, we’re not going to make it, Jase. Someone’s going to have to give, and I hope it’s my mom, because I could never leave her in a situation like this.”

Meredith paused, pen above the paper, unsure of how to continue.

Her lip quivered, and the pen dropped as her head dropped onto her desk.

“I miss you, Jason!” she whispered brokenly. “Please come home!”

“Ah, Meredith?” A voice just inside her door made her look up.

Oh, PS, the title of this one is going to be “Echoes” at the moment. I like it. What do you guys think?

Winning Excerpt

Spoiler: This is not the excerpt that put me over 50K, and the reason for that is that my quality dropped dramatically when I had 800 words to go.  I had to put something up, though, so here goes.  (Current Word Count: 50,574)

 

Eddy was sitting in his study, but he definitely wasn’t getting any studying done.  Part of him begged to get called in to work for an emergency.  Part of him begged to reverse time a little and pause during the trial.  That one point when they’d all been together, having to be the same team again, just for a short time.  The other part of him, which he realized was a third, not just a part, wanted to go see Trixie.  That was the easiest thing to do, and probably the best, so he got into his car and went to the animal hospital.
The receptionist recognized him with a smile.  “She’s in her room,” she told him, pushing a button so he could access the hall.  He thanked her and pulled open the door.  Every step down the hall filled him with anticipation until he reached Trixie’s door.  He could hear low whimpers from inside before he’d gotten to the gate which formed the door to her little doggie hospital room.
As soon as he was within sight, the whimpers changed tones from pained to excited and intensified greatly.  Eddy smiled broadly as he opened the door and stepped over the gate.  As long as she had to stay down, the gate was fine, he figured, but as soon as she got well enough to walk, she’d be out of there in a heartbeat.  At the moment, she looked incredibly happy, and Eddy had to admit that it made him happy to see her happy.
He stroked her face soothingly, kneeling beside her.  “There you go, girlie.  Did you miss me?  I missed you more than anything.  Well, not anything, technically, but you get the idea.  Home’s just not the same when I’m the only one there.  I really miss always having you right beside me no matter what I’m doing.  You have got to be my favorite annoyance, do you know that, puppy?”
She sighed contentedly as if she definitely did know that, but if he’d just scratch a little more to the left, she’d never forget it.
“Work’s been slow, which is good, I guess.  Brinkley  hasn’t gotten any better, which is a definite minus.  We got our big bad guy, although we’re still waiting on the jury.  It’s been two weeks already, but that’s not uncommon.  We’re still looking for his boss, but we’ll find him soon.  I know you’re rooting for me, puppy.  Good grief, did I tell you I missed you?  Probably a dozen times already, but I can’t say it enough for you to understand the whole truth.  I miss everything about you, even cleaning up after you.  You’re my only friend, do you know that?”
Then he realized that it didn’t have to be that way.  “Don’t go anywhere, puppy,” he warned, planting a soft kiss between her ears and standing slowly.  “I’ll come back with a treat for you,” he promised in reply to her suddenly insistent whines.
He left the room, painfully aware of the fact that she already missed him and didn’t understand why he was leaving so soon.  The receptionist looked surprised, too.  “I’ll be back tonight,” he explained.  “I just had to stop by now.”  She nodded and turned her attention back to her computer.
Eddy climbed back into the jag, wondering what to do next.  Reine would probably blast him for stalking her despite his insistence that it was all Brinkley.  He really didn’t feel like an argument right now, although it did have its appeals.  What he needed was a friend to just sit down and say the random, simple “cool, man” over coffee, so he drove straight to Tyler’s house.
The car wasn’t in the driveway, and Eddy immediately had a feeling of dread that he wouldn’t be at home at all.  He risked it anyway.  He walked up the driveway and knocked loudly on the door.  Nothing.  He rang the doorbell.  Nothing.  He tried both at the same thing, and still nothing happened.  He turned away slowly.  He should have known better.
He would go back to Trixie and apologize for running off like that when she was the friend that had given everything for him.  He still had to get the treat he’d promised her.  There was a whole box of treats in the glove box of the Jaguar, but he felt like getting her something special for having been there for him for so long and through so much.  He figured he’d stop at the mall, since it was right next to the hospital, and get her a big bone.
After purchasing the dog bone, he suddenly felt like getting coffee, and remember Reine’s favorite coffee shop, he walked through the mall toward the shoe store.  When he got to the corner, he refused to go past the coffee shop and look in the shoe store first.  Instead, he stepped into the short line at the coffee shop.  Glancing at the sign with their prices, he whistled low.  This coffee had better be exceptionally good for the price he was going to have to pay for it!

Excerpt 1

This is my first excerpt post.  I will post one every week, or more often if I write well.  My thoughts/notes will be italicized, and my novel will be regular font.  Current word count: 1895.  For more information on what all of this is, go to my profile at nanowrimo.org.

Reine stalked the mall hallway behind security guard Marks.  He’s invited her to call him Tim, his first name, when he met her, but he definitely wasn’t her type, so she – possibly not too courteously – declined.  Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to dissuade him in the least.  He just grinned and said something stupid about her calling him whatever she wanted to.  Reine was sure that in another life, this guy had killed her.  She was just naturally averse to him.  Neither Tyler nor Marks noticed this, however.  It’s all one could expect, seeing that they were both at least twenty-five and male.
Twenty-five?  Reine glanced at her companion through a veil of long, black bangs.  She grimaced at the thought of actually spending time with him when Tyler didn’t force her to.  She stopped her thoughts right there in a rare but heroic effort to think kindly and truthfully.  Marks wasn’t so bad looking after all.  He was slightly stocky, but being a mall cop in a small, quiet town explained that.  The words “small” and “quiet” stuck in her mind as she thought about how her mom had said them while convincing Reine that coming to this place wouldn’t be a bad idea.  In an effort to get rid of those thoughts as she did with anything connected to her mom now, Reine forced herself to continue evaluating Marks.  She almost shuddered when she noticed how greasy his moderately short brown hair was, how it pressed down over his short forehead, almost falling into the hazel eyes that Reine realized with a sudden start had been turned her way.
Marks smirked, but he thankfully didn’t bring it up again. Reine continued piling up her disgusted thoughts.  This guy was so self conceited that he thought she was looking him over because she liked him!  Because she wasn’t sure whether to be utterly disgusted or terrificly horrified, Reine chose to be neither.  Marks was also somewhat thick and a bit of a pushover, Reine had quickly decided when she first met him.  So far tonight, she hadn’t had a chance to really notice whether or not he had changed.  She was sure that he hadn’t, though.  Marks wasn’t the kind of guy to change for the better.  Marks wasn’t the kind of guy to do anything for the better, actually.

Meanwhile…

Marks caught himself staring at Reine.  Not that she was necessarily unusually pretty or anything, he was just still in shock.  To be fair, he decided, she was pretty in her own way.  The more he’d mulled this over, the more he’d liked it.
He suddenly realized that they were just standing in the middle of the mall’s front entrance, so he told her that his job was to walk the halls and explained that he was doing that now.  She followed him without a word.  They had continued in silence, and Marks had used the time to come to a decision that although she wasn’t necessarily his taste, he was sure he could make an exception since she seemed to be entirely taken up with him.  Obviously, that wasn’t surprising in the least, but now that it had been proven, he was glad all the same.