Out of Touch

So, have I mentioned that I like basketball?  Note: I would have said “love basketball” but due to being a serious Messy Kid, I changed my words.  :End Note.  Well, in case I haven’t mentioned it, I have.  (Figure that one out, friend-still-trying-to-get-that-joke-I-told-a-year-ago!)  I really like basketball.  I mean, I really, really like basketball.  And dear although occasionally annoying jokers, before you ask, I would marry it if it would just come out and ask already.  Yes, I’m tired.  Isn’t that part of the recipe for a good blog post?

Okay, annoying people who didn’t laugh, before I continue on my crusade to insult the entire world one tweet at a time (because, to quote the hat, I am so tweeting this) I guess I should get to the blog post, huh?  That’s right.  I like basketball.  I really like basketball.  I mean I really, really like it!  De ja vu?  No kidding!  Imagine how I feel!  I mean, this stuff is actually coming out of my head, and I still have no idea what it is.  So a little background here, when I was born, my terrible role models (yep, big bros, I’m talking about you again…) were obsessing over baseball.

As I belive you can conclude, I don’t like baseball.  Now, my reasons for saying “don’t like” are different than my reasons for saying “like.”  I don’t say “love” because, as already stressed, I am a Messy Kid and I know better.  I mean, seriously, the first law of nature clearly states that you must only obey youtube videos if they are posted by BlimeyCow or Rhett and Link.  This thing about saying “like” instead of “love” is in direct obedience to a command laid upon me and everyone like me by BlimeyCow.  Of course he didn’t actually give an order, but I like to think that, well, that I get bonus points for obeying simple suggestions before they become commands.  Saying “don’t like” instead of “hate” on the contrary, is not in direct obedience to a youtube command.  All over the internet, I have been pressured to the extreme to join this incredible organization, and since I am naturallly a very strong individual, I gave in readily.  “Hate” is such an unfairly strong word!  Haters are so cruel without realizing it!  They’ll hurt themselves and those around them and not even care!  I hate haters!

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I’ll be able to proceed to the point of this post.  On a side note, have you noticed that I’ve been using thumbnails in my blog posts?  They seem to make my posts look more impressive and long and thought out so that people fail to realize what a jumble of words I actually just wrote.  Despite my love for basketball, I haven’t played in months.  There are a million excuses that I could give you for that, but because the person I hired to write them failed to come through on their side of the deal, I only have lame excuses.  At least I can say that I do ultimately amazing things with my money.  I mean seriously, who pays themself to write excuses, and then rips themselves off and uses the money to buy souveneirs?  I am awesome, aren’t I?  I’m so awesome that I didn’t wear any sunglasses when I went out to shoot hoops at noon, and all I ate for breakfast was a banana.  I’m also so awesome that I single handedly carried a basketball while walking for half an hour.  Not only that, but on the way back, I got a vitamin water and managed to not only hold both the vitamin water and the basketball but I drank the vitamin water while walking down hill.  You’re thinking about closing the tab because I’m full of bologna, but let me explain.  I’m not good at pictures, so bear with me while I try to illustrate why what I just told you is such an incredible feat.

Do you see?  The basketball is half my size, and the vitamin water is bigger than me.  Of course, the very fact that I managed to drink the entire vitamin water is a feat in itself, but that I carried it and the massive ball while walking down hill.  It’s absolutely incredible, dear readers, but no applause please.  Really, I don’t deserve it.  I’m just a normal human being like you.  I’m no one special.  Oh please get up off the floor.  People bowing down to me make me nervous.  Seriously the only difference between normal people like you and normal people like me is, well, we eat our spinach instead of awkwardly shoveling it over our shoulders to convince our kids that we love it.

So, I was saying?  Oh, yes, thank you for reminding me.  Well, I had to write this because it absolutely horrified me to realize that in an hour at the basketball courts I only made twenty-five free throws, and six lay-ups.  If any of you know any tips or anything, I’d love to hear it.  And does anyone know where to find fruit punch vitamin water?  I can’t stand dragonfruit, but I’ve been having to drink it.  And yes, this entire long, random post was just to say the first sentence and the last paragraph.  And maybe to convince you to look up BlimeyCow because they’re awesome, but that was never the whole point.  It’s just rapidly becoming so.

I totally forgot to tell you that my newest book idea, compliments of my dad, is a unique combination of fan fiction, crime fiction, sport fiction, sci fi, and historical fiction.  Any thoughts?

Till next time, fellow Randomnessers!  (Yeah, that’s totally a word.  I guarantee that if you look it up you’ll find it right here)



  1. wow…..I must really be bored! I just read every single word that you wrote! 🙂 You must be bored too!! hee hee 🙂 Practice, practice, practice! Your basketball skills will improved with practice. I am glad that you were able to go and play a bit. I love you!

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